Aug 10, 2005

SMURFS burn in hell!!!



During the cold winter of 1946 former leaders of the third reich met in Argentina to discuss plans for regaining their former glory. They know that any plan to succeed other nations would have to lose their will to fight. They decided to create a cartoon character to embody the ideas of niceness and peacefulness and called it a SMURF.

SMURF stood for Secret Military Underground Resistance Force. They planned to infect the children of enemy nations with their peaceful ideas. And so it began. Now in the present their plan is almost complete, and they are starting their propaganda campaign in the bastion of freedom, the United States of America.

You, Smurfbutcher Bob, were captured while trying to destroy the Smurf's precartoon ancestors. You have been taken to their Ontario headquarters, Castle Smurfenstein, for interrogation. You must escape, kill as many of the blue bastards as possible, and steal the plans to operation Smurfkreig. If you fail hordes of smurfs will sweep across the world spewing peace slogans and pumping people full of bullets.

When you were being brought to the castle you were able to talk one of your Candafian guards into giving you his gun (not too hard, eh). You also saw some Smurfy Security guards with bulletproof vests and smurgberry bombs which could be used as grenades to blow the smurfs into infinity.
You can't fail: YOU MUST ESCAPE. YOU MUST WARN THE WORLD. YOU MUST GET HOME IN TIME FOR DINNER.

Listen to this 6-second audio clip: http://www.evl.uic.edu/aej/smurf/Achtung.wav